Jonah Hex - The Hex is on us.

So for some reason, i felt compelled to give Jonah Hex a chance, and went to go see this movie.

It was a Friday, and the Famous Players Colossus theater was typically busy as it should be on a Friday. So 10 mins left before the start, me and my cousin rush to try to get seats. It took us a few moments to realize that the actual room the movie was playing in, was the last theater at the end of the hall of this massive Colossus.

So we walk in wondering if we'll be able to grab good seats. We turn the corner and as we look up into the seating section we notice that there isn't SINGLE SOUL in this theater. This was not a good sign. To be fair, a few people did eventually walk in as the lights went down. It was a group of four tweens, and two older couples for a total of 10 people in this theater.

One couple came all the way to the back and sat in the corner of the theater. The other sat directly in front and were all cuddly kissy for the whole movie. When the lights came up at the end of the movie, the couple to our left, were doing up their pants. So you can guess why they came to "see" this movie.

I thought to myself, how can this movie be all that bad. Its staring Josh Brolin and John Malkovich! Two pretty good actors in my book. I thought they would counter-balance the typically horrid acting from Megan Fox. I wish she was a porn star. I really do. She's good looking, and shes awfully bad at acting. In fact, I've seen better acting in porn. So she would fit right in, cause she is sexy, but i don't consider that a talent.

The movie also had Will Arnett (from Arrested Development) playing the serious looking Lieutenant Grass. I could not take him seriously in this role. Its like watching Jim Carry play General Patton. Just doesn't seem like the right fit.

Ok so lets talk about this movie for a second. What a liked is how they don't waste anytime introducing the character of Jonah Hex and the hatred for General Turnbull. They talk about the Hex's power of him being able to talk to the dead in a kind of compelling way. After all this movie is based on a Comic book.

But as the story drags on we start to see ridiculous moments and plot points that reminded me of Wild Wild West. Instead of a giant mechanical spider, it was a giant canon that shot nuclear canon balls. Wow really? The old west with nuclear weapons? Not to mention the opening scene, which you do see in the trailer, was Jonah Hex shooting Gatling guns attached to his horse.

So this movie was poop with poop dressing on it.

1/5 Xombie heads