This movie has been hyped up all summer and I have to admit, even I was looking forward to seeing it. Here we have, for the first time ever, a motley crew of over the hill action stars from the 80s, the 90s and even the... the.. 2000s. Ya. Anyway. Some of these guys aren't really actors either. But whatever, it's a cool gimmick and you almost wish they made this film 15 years ago.
How can you go wrong here? The movie itself was rated R by American Standards. So you know there's gonna be blood and guts! What more could I ask? A little titty would have been nice, and also some form of story could of helped too.
The plot is a recycled idea from the 80s that reminds me of a Chuck Norris film. One would get a sense that Stallone was trying to recapture the long lost action style of the 80s but didn't really manage to make it work.
In a nut-shell, The Expendables is about a team of old farts who do righteous odd jobs for the highest bidder. Barney Ross, played by Stallone, takes a meeting with Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger who cameo in the film for maybe a total one minute of screen-time. There's a nice joke about Arnold wanting to be President in there that escapes nobody in the audience. Otherwise Arny had no purpose in the film. Willis essentially hires Stallone's Expendables to take this job overthrowing a dictator on some Central American island nation. Thus, our story begins.
Sylvester Stallone co-wrote and Directed The Expendables seemingly at our expense. He also starred in the film along with a lot of guys you wish were still in the prime. You have Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin and Randy Couture assembled in this cast. With so many names, there's hardly a way to really dive into these characters. But Sly didn't really care about building characters.
When Sly tried to get Jean Claude Van Damme for this film, all he could tell JCVD about the character was that he would be making a lot of money and go "Boom, Boom, Boom." Joblow.com reported it here (and they actually had video from a press conference but it no longer works). To be honest I don't see why he wouldn't just take the damn part and make some money. But you gotta give him credit for attempting to have integrity. But this is JCVD we're talking about here so WTF.
Jason Statham is the only action hero in this film that's still in his prime and we got a few scenes to watch him kick some generic bad-guy ass. Dolph Lundgren's character made no sense whatsoever, nor did the reconciliation at the end between him and the rest of the Expendables. Meanwhile Jet-Li provides some short-guy humor. Randy Couture cries about his cauliflower ears and Terry Crews blows people away with an automatic shotgun.
Mickey Rourke had the best scene by far in the film. He didn't have a huge role except for a monologue that really stole the show. By far the most captivating moment in the film and helped make some sense of what was a very poor excuse of a story and plot.
I gotta say The Expendables Logo was well designed (The Crow on top of a Skull). But it's almost as if Stallone cared more about how the film would look and less about how the film would play out.
All in all, this film is an action gimmick. It tricks us into seeing some cool 80s style action, meanwhile bores us with the camaraderie of the characters. The Expendables is what it is, and some people will like it and some people will hate it, I on the other hand am in between. Its a forgettable movie, and Stallone made a lot of money. Kudos to him for that, i guess. One last note watching Sly run was as humorous as it was awkward.
3/5 Xombie Heads
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